Random Presents

My mother sent Eryn a package with a new set of pajamas and a sparkly star wand. When she got me on the phone I asked why she'd also sent me a load of trash. She insisted she hadn't, and that it had probably been my father. But apparently it wasn't him either. Instead, she theorizes that when she handed the box to the packaging place unopened, they took the opportunity to insert a few bonus items: a Federal employee almanac, a cable/dish splitter, beads, a magnet, a broken cell phone (unpictured, although I removed the lithium battery so it can be disposed of properly, and that's pictured), two solar curtains, a hair net, a dead printer cartridge, The Cure for Soul Fatigue (if you're busy and tired of working FOR the Lord - Amazon), and a Tweeze with Cream set that includes a container of ingrown hair remover and electric tweezers, sans batteries. I assume my mother ended up paying to ship me all this crap, which will surely come in handy if I have to seal myself in my house with duct tape because of a national emergency and there's no power, resulting in a bushy beard and head, no heat, and a questioning of why I'm stuck inside and which federal employee I should blame for my woes.