Perhaps We Have a Drinking Problem

So many weeks ago, I was at the liquor store finding beer for gaming days and poker nights, and I hauled Eryn along so I didn't have to make a second trip out but could just stop after school. We found the beer just fine, and then I noted that I should buy Pooteewheet a bottle of vodka. We went over to the vodka shelves and I poked around, trying to remember what it was that my wife prefers. I remarked out loud that I just couldn't remember, and we were about to walk away, when Eryn said, "It starts with something like...um...."

The guy near us got a smile.

Then she added, "An s. It starts with an s."

Bigger smile.

"It's blue, Dad. Mom drinks the vodka in the blue bottle."

He was laughing silently.

"That one! Skyy. Mom drinks Skyy."

He was laughing openly. I remarked that my wife didn't drink quite THAT much, not pointing out that it was probably me who drank her last bottle, and he concurred that he liked Skyy vodka too.


Move forward a few weeks. I'm single parenting for a few hours and Eryn says, "Dad, I want something to drink."

"Sure honey, what do you want."

"The kids stuff. You know."

"No....what?"

"Kids....vodka. I want the kids vodka."

I pointed out that there was no kids vodka. And if there was, it would be in poor taste. Then I explained that I didn't mean it would necessarily taste bad, but that I meant it wouldn't be funny or a good advertising campaign or product. Then I stressed that I really doubted it existed, and even if it did, we wouldn't allow it in the house.

She shrugged and told me it was pretty sure it was in a green bottle, although we couldn't find it. Apparently she was looking for the kids' champagne that was left over from New Year's - all fizzy and pears I believe, not a drop of alcohol in it.


Then yesterday, I gave her a Target-brand ginger beer and she yelled upstairs in a tattle-tale voice, "Mom, Dad's giving me a beer!"


I think I need to start scratching the labels off of things and putting them in different bottles so Eryn isn't associating what she drinks with alcohol. Then again, after ginger beer and pear faux-champagne, maybe her first bitter taste of beer will shock her into teetotaling (I know...I know...).