A Few Things It's Good To Know

Item 1: Scavenger hunts with your daughter at 5:00 a.m. are not cool, particularly after going to bed late and having to get up twice at night to check on both the dog, who's barking at the rain, and the klaxons, that are going off because of the storm. But you have to do it, because you left her the scavenger hunt list after she went to bed.

Item 2: when the nurse at apheresis says, "My, you have a lot of red blood cells," you know it's some sort of double entendre. She's not just admiring your veins. She's admiring your arteries. And Mean Mr. Mustard is correct - you cannot watch a movie during apheresis or you won't finish it. You should watch an episode of something.

Item 3: If someone has a cat (cough...Ming) and the cat sleeps on his face all the time (cough...Ming), then the appropriate nickname for that person is not Cheesesteak, but rather Litterbox.

Item 4: I was familiar with the concept of muffintopping. But the other day, Pooteewheet and I saw a woman with a skirt that barely covered her a.) butt and b.) underwear [I really hope she was wearing underwear, and by underwear, I sort of mean, crotch, because usually your underwear is over your butt, although not always now that thongs are so popular you can see them in Google Streetview, and I guess it's appropriate it barely covers both, because it seems as though you might be sort of malproportioned if one hangs considerably lower than the other, although now I find myself trying to mentally estimate the distance-to-ground differential, and that's sort of weird, so I think I'm going to quit, although it'll probably haunt me for another 2 or 3 hours]. My brother informed us that this particular phenomena is called Greyhounding. Think about it...think...because it's just short of the hair.