H2: The Scent

My local newspaper had an ad today that prominently displayed Hummer (tm) H2 (tm) - the holiday gift set, featuring H2 eau de toilette spray and some after shave splash, all for $58.50 (a $96 value!). According to their site, you can even get body wash. I think the intent is you can smell like a Hummer owner, without actually owning a Hummer, although that seems rather lame to me - but then so do privacy rooms in local clubs without walls, so I don't think I fit the poser ethos they're aiming for. And I suppose, if you had to actually own a Hummer to smell like H2, then nobody in the neighborhood other than our local Manley brother and a CEO or two would qualify, and we don't get close enough to them to really smell them.

I know Mean Mr. Mustard might think it was amusing to constantly announce that he smells like a Hummer, but what are we really talking about? The smell of exhaust? of money? of wasted gasoline? How do you bottle the smell of mispent excess? How about the smell of foreign energy dependence? And how does an H2 (tm) differ in smell from the original HUMMER (tm)? Maybe it's just for guys with a lower ground clearance (that's a valid joke, look it up).

And don't forget, if you do lay out your $58 and want to be a player there are rules about how to apply your cologne (how to be a player link, possibly nsfw). If you're just buying expensive cologne and lathering it on your clothes without attention to detail, you're doing yourself a disservice, and the ladies will know you're a liar whose "other car" (the H2) isn't really in the shop. If you not playing your H2/Hummer for all it's worth, you might as well be wearing NASCAR by Wilshire (possibly a good rotation if you frequent BIR).