Both Reached For the Phone

The other day I was riding my bike trainer and watching Chicago. When they got to the number where Billy the lawyer is manipulating the press and being Roxie's puppeteer, the only thing I could think of was this (below). It's not as tight as I was hoping for, but perhaps you'll find it enjoyable, and please feel free to make a better version - it would particularly interesting as a video.

We Both Reached for the Phone:
(original lyrics)

STARRING:
ROVE (as BILLY)
SCOOTER LIBBY (as ROXIE)
JUDITH MILLER (as MARY SUNSHINE)
REPORTERS (as THEMSELVES)

Reporters controlled by strings in many bits, like marionettes, by ROVE.

[REPORTERS]
Why’d you do it?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
I was angry

[REPORTERS]
About the yellowcake?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
Absolutely

[REPORTERS]
Where is it now?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
Never existed.

[ROVE]
Wilson told us from the start

[ROVE (as Libby)]
It was just a made up part

[REPORTERS]
When’d it happen?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
2003

[REPORTERS]
Who was the target?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
Valerie

[REPORTERS]
Then what happened?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
I called Novak
And he quickly wrote away
Outted Wilson, or so they say

[JUDITH MILLER (spoken)]
Oh you poor man I cant believe what you have been through
A rogue ambassador! An unbelieving public!

Now tell us Libby…

[MARY SUNSHINE]
Who’s Dick Cheney?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
The Vice-President

[REPORTERS]
Was he involved too?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
So you’re hearin’.

[REPORTERS]
Was he angry?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
Like a madman
Still I said, "Dick, move along."

[ROVE]
He knew that he was doing wrong.

[REPORTERS]
Then describe it.

[ROVE (as Libby)]
He approached me.

[REPORTERS]
With the phone?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
And a secret.

[REPORTERS]
Did you fight him?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
Like a tiger.

[ROVE]He had power, he had none.

[ROVE (as Libby)]
And yet we both reached for the phone
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both
Oh yes we both
Oh yes, we both reached for
The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone
Oh yes, we both reached for the phone
For the phone.

[REPORTERS]
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone,
Oh yes, they both reached for the phone
For the phone.

[ROVE]
Understandable, understandable
Yes it's perfectly understandable
Comprehensible, Comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It's so defensible

[REPORTERS]
How're you feeling?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
Very frightened

[REPORTERS]
Are you sorry?

[LIBBY]
Are you kidding?

[REPORTERS]
What's your statement?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
All I'd say is
Though I broke the IIPA
I’d do it again any other day

[REPORTERS]
And?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
Stay away from...

[REPORTERS]
What?

[GWB (from out of sight, off stage)]
Drugs and liquor...

[REPORTERS]
And?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
And the men who...

[REPORTERS]
What?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
Out for fun...

[REPORTERS]
And what?

[ROVE (as Libby)]
That's the thought that...

[REPORTERS]
Yeah

[ROVE (as Libby)]
Came upon me...

[REPORTERS]
When?

[ROVE]
When we both reached for the phone!

[JUDITH MILLER]
Understandable, understandable

[ROVE AND JUDITH MILLER]
Yes, it's perfectly understandable
Comprehensible, comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It's so defensible!

[REPORTERS]
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for…

[ROVE (spoken)]
Let me hear it!

[REPORTERS]
The phone, the phone, the phone,
The phone
Oh yes, they both reached
For the phone

[ROVE (spoken)]
A little louder!

[REPORTERS]
For the phone.
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached
For the phone, the phone

[ROVE (spoken)]
Now you got it!

[REPORTERS]
The phone, the phone
Oh yes. They both reached
For the phone
For the phone.

[ROVE AND REPORTERS]
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone
Oh yes, they both reached for the phone
For the phone.
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, reached for
The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone
The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone
The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone

[ROVE]
Both reached for the...phone

[REPORTERS]
The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone
The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone
The phone, the phone, the phone, the phone
The phone, the phone,
Both reached for the phone.


In the movie, this is all followed by a number of scrolling and spinning newspapers with large headlines – PLAMEGATE! 85 DAYS IN JAIL! CONSPIRACY TO IMPEDE OR INJURE! – then people celebrating the crime and the criminal, and then a bared forearm with a tattoo (that would say “Libby” in this context, but would be more visually interesting if it said “Valerie”).