Nick and Jessica's Family Christmas

Sometimes a BizTalk 2004 book just isn't enough to keep you entertained. But too much entertainment can keep you from being able to digest the contents of your book. There's a very fine line when it comes to being able to read your book and be entertained simultaneously. BizTalk 2004 + Nick and Jessica's Family Christmas is the answer. It takes almost as much of your attention to watch her show as Jessica seems to have - a good common denominator as she probably had to rewatch it a few times to make sure it was up to her standards, particularly considering all the bloopers they played during the show right before the commercials.

You may be wondering, what were the highlights? What did I miss because I was busy devoting all of my attention to something more interesting, like staring at the neighbor's Christmas lights, licking the wall or anything besides reading about BizTalk 2004? Well, you missed the fashion statement that super tight white stretch pants and an off the shoulder white sweater over large, um...Christmas globes...makes about Christmas. You missed quite a bit of pseudo-p0rn star/pop star posing - the whole thrust the chest out and wiggle like a snake deal. You missed their incredible lodge that could magically do anything short of making the show watchable. You missed the mandatory duet with a token minority that I thought had disappeared along with the 70s. You missed an after-Christmas solo by Nick that was pretty atrocious, but then maybe he wasn't feeling like it was his finest moment. You missed Ashley Simpson singing with her sister live on television for the first time ever, dressed in her Christmas finest, worn jeans and some sort of silky green camisole thing that leaked cleavage. You missed a woman licking Nick's armpit. You missed a guy licking Nick's armpit. You missed a touching duet (tri-et?) with Bing Crosby (yes, he's dead). You missed the in-show pimping of Jessica's new Christmas CD (exclusively at 7-11!). You missed perhaps the worst duet version of little drummer boy I have ever had the misfortune to be subjected to. And, no doubt, you missed my wife berating you over and over for watching the damn thing in the first place.

The lesson to be learned? If ABC has the balls to run this Christmas special, then NBC and CBS should have the balls to run an advertisement by the United Church of Christ.